Attention Please: New DearWeezy is up!

Much to the dismay of Dr. Weez, he's been busy. I know a lot of you have been wanting DearWeezy to update soooooo... new entry:  www.xanga.com/dearweezy

Also, my PERMANENT Pilot's license came in the mail woohoo! Who wants to fly? I think I'm going to rent a plane and fly to Las Vegas next week.

edit: Good Idea! I should be hiring cute flight attendants. I shall look for cute outfits for Air Weezy Airlines.anyone?

Weezguy's Wanted Classifieds  (anybody interested?)

WANTED (yea I know xanga is 1/2 public, 1/2 friends)

1.  Another tour the United States Trip.  Looking for several either unemployed, student, or homeless that is interested in traveling the country.  If you looked at my previous entry, it was REALLY fun.  Saw things from the tallest roller coaster in America, Mall of America (biggest mall), Rock and Roll Hall of fame, Mt Rushmore, Coors brewing factory, Grand Canyon, Petrified Forest.   If anybody is interested let me know. Looking to travel the South.  It is a Great Experience. Thinking sometime in May.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=weezguy&nextdate=7%2f22%2f2006+23%3a59%3a59.999

2. Does anybody remember my OLD entry about the maid and the TV show the Bachelor? Several years ago, when I hired a maid, I had a few applicants (who were nameless) and I asked my Xanga viewers to vote to see who I should hire. Well after several years of service (strictly platonic) she has a real job. So I'm looking for a new maid. Applicant should come every 2 weeks, and do regular dusting, mopping, cleaning etc. Pays decently and in cash.

Stipulations:
1. Don't want to hire a friend:  You know how weird it is to tell your friend, "oh you missed a spot by the toilet, go get it".
2. Don't want to hire a complete stranger:  I don't want to come home and find that my place is sparkling clean, because they took all the furniture (and yet the dust bunnies are still there).
3. Don't want to hire a guy: Yea, umm I don't want Antoine over there vacuuming around me and someone wonder why I decide to do Equal Opportunity.  NOOOO thank u
4. No Ex-Girlfriends: Can you picture it now? "Honey, I know you used to shower in the tub, but now you have to clean it". no no no

If you are NOT psycho, need pretty good pay, can speak English, and is trustworthy (often you will be alone in my place) let me know. You can contact me via email or im also. I can give you the old maid's info if you want a reference.

Here's the old entry link: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=weezguy&nextdate=11%2f27%2f2002+23%3a59%3a59.999

Supertramp - Take A Look At My Girlfriend Lyrics - from 1979's Breakfast in America

Take a look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got
Not much of a girlfriend
Never seem to get a lot
Take a jumbo across the water
Like to see America
See the girls in California
I'm hoping it's going to come true
But there's not a lot I can do
Could we have kippers for breakfast
Mummy dear, Mummy dear
They got to have 'em in Texas
Cos everyone's a millionaire
I'm a winner, I'm a sinner
Do you want my autograph
I'm a loser, what a joker
I'm playing my jokes upon you
While there's nothing better to do
Nan nan nan nan
nan nan nan nan nan nan nan
Nan nan nan nan
nan nan nan nan nan nan
nan nan nan
Nan nan nan
Nan Nan
Nan nan nan
Don't you look at my girlfriend
She's the only one I got
Not much of a girlfriend
Never seem to get a lot
Take a jumbo across the water
Like to see America
See the girls in California
I'm hoping it's going to come true
But there's not a lot I can do
Nan nan nan nan
nan nan nan nan nan nan nan
Nan nan nan nan
nan nan nan nan nan nan
nan nan
Nan nan
Nan Nan
Nan nan
Nan nan
Nan Nan
Nan nan
Nan nan
Nan nan
Nan nan nan
Nan Nan
Nan nan nan

edit: Back in NYC! - thank god, a real city where people go out and everything stays open

I AM NOT ENGAGED!!!

(i think you need a gf first duh)

Some people start calling me at 8am and in my half asleep state the conversation started like this:

Caller:  Weezy congratulations. You're engaged?
Weez:  .....Huh?
Caller:  You're getting married?
weez is still 1/2 asleep and not aware of the topic
Weez:  Ok uh hum.. sure, and a Pepsi too please. (and then falls back asleep)

Couple of hours pass and I finally wake up to 3 voice mails and 7 IMs all saying Congratulations on my engagement.

I know millions of you still have cultural withdrawal, but my name isn't Gandhi, and in this country we don't have arranged marriages where someone else makes the engagements and I wasn't aware of it.
If memory serves correctly, first a guy needs a girlfriend before there's any talk of marriage. So hmmm on April 1st, somebody decides to spread the rumour that I was getting married. And suddenly strangers are congratulating me like I wrestled Rosie O'Donell and won. Looks like somebody got April fooled.  Now who came up w/ the idea? And why was I the last to know?  Oh and for you girls who were saddened?..... There's still hope for you girls haha 

I PASSED my Pilots license test! WOOOOOOOO.

Yes sir! Air Weezy is now available and looking for passengers. It's about time, I was sick of studying all the Class Bravo airspace (didn't want to go to restricted airspace and have F-16s shooting me down). And learning all the weather, and steep turns, and different types of landings.  Who wants to go up w/ me?  I can fly ANYWHERE in the country now that I have my license. When all you suckers have to show your driver's licenses to get into clubs/bars, I'll show my FAA Government Pilot's license hehe.

 Temporary Airman Certificate (pilot's license)

Logbook, w/ the last entry saying COMPLETE!

 My first picture after I passed!

Who wants to fly to Vegas w/o dealing w/ all the stupid security checks and sitting in the middle seats while 2 fat Berthas and Merthas are farting on either side of you to SirMixalot's I like big Butts and I can't deny song. First class baby, and I'll even let you guys fly a little.  Or we can go to Niagara Falls, or bring our Snowboards on a 30 minute flight instead of a 4 hour drive somewhere or... Napa Valley Anyone? Sorry pretty skinny girls only (not trying to be mean, Hey I can't help it, it's the law of physics, there's a weight limit to these planes)

Who wants to join the Mile High Club?

Oh, btw I invented this new pick up line that works awesome in dance clubs. Has a 30% success rate. Every girl I told it to, said yea that would definitely make them to talk to me.  I wont' divulge the secret because I know how boring and unoriginal guys are so they WILL steal it. Some guys are so stupid that I was in this club a few weeks ago, and overheard some guys go up to a girl on the dance floor:  "Hi, ummm do you guys like dancing?"  omg L-A-M-E (why does she go to dance floor if she didn't). Then he ran out of ideas and grabbed the girl by her waist. She ran away, and saw me laughing at what a loser he was, and she ended up talking to me.   Anyways, I'm going to post my "secret weapon" pick up line on a private entry so I can prove I thought of it first.  Years later, I will get credit. Hint:  it's the only thing that makes a girl smile AND makes all her other gfs on the dance floor laugh and think it's cute, AND is polite (they like that) AND they can still understand everything even if there's blaring music, and compliments them all in 8 seconds.  Anyone of my friends who know it, please don't tell anyone, you know it works!

Ok, who wants to fly Air Weezy?

edit: Man this guy DRUDOWN is an ASS. Look, he actually copied my Guide To Clubbing Post Word for Word and posted on his site as if it was his own. I told him if he wanted to post it was fine just give me credit, and his response was deleting my name. He's like one of those ugly guys in school, if he can't get his own gf, he stands next to someone else's and takes a picture w/ her when nobody is looking and then claims her as his own. FRAUD.

edit: Franksabunch proposed to me if I was a wahine. Now I don't speak Hawainglish, but a word such as wahine just doesn't make me feel intellectually accomplished. However if I was a girl (or gay), I'd be happy as 5 ounces of cocoabutter struggling to cover the entire body of two Sports Illustrated swimsuit models.

Flying GayBerry err I mean Pinkberry.  My Flying Videos (especially the last one)

Look, I got a job at Gayberry giving out stupid yogurt w/ pieces of fruit that cost a total of .80 cents but stupid people are willing to pay $5 for.  Look at my apron.  I'm as happy as 5 pussycats w/ a bag of catnip, after being tickled fed, and played with.  Ok, so I lied, but it was fun while it lasted.  Who wants free Gayberry?

   Hey I think it's actually easy to meet people if I want to be willing to spend all day cutting up stupid things like all types of fruit, cereal, granola, oreos, and all that other stuff.  I'm going to open my own yogurt shop and sell it for $3 instead of $5 and call it YellowBerry.

More Flying Videos:  Ok last time I didn't have great ones, so I just flew an hour ago and just got back and uploaded these.  These are a little better because I showed more of the outside. Sorry I was still holding it by hand, so it's a little shaky (and dangerous).  Weezguy's sacrifice is for YOUR enjoyment.

Takeoff: This time I'm showing the window.

Failed landing video:  I attempted to land, but the airplane was about to dive, and I had to abort holding the camera in my hand.

Waiting at the taxiway, for another to plane to land, and one in front of me.  I was calling the Tower to get clearance to take off.

LANDING from Inside the Cockpit.  Sorry I had to drop the camera a couple of times because if I didn't, I didn't have a spare hand to maintain altitude and the plane would crash.  It was a hard landing at end, cuz I was doing it one handed (look Ma, one hand  .  

Who wants to come up w/ me?

What Guys and Girls REALLY think when they meet and Flirt:

First of all:  Happy Valentine's Day all. Thanks to those who came to my bday. Sorry for those who couldn't get in, it was packed. What did I learn in my drunken state while watching people?  Desperate single people w/o dates trying to hook up before Vday. Here we go:

Ok, perhaps in the days of yore when promiscuousness was dealt with by death, castration or worse...... arranged FAT marriages, was there stable proper courting. Now that we stopped using the horse and carriage, and instead have mobile phones, crackberries, match.com, and the female gender actually work in our society, the interaction between the difference sexes is very commonplace. In fact, so commonplace, that guys and girls aren't even nervous and sweating like the pimply faced kids they were in high school. So what does this mean? Guys and girls actually scheme what they want in a partner now.

If you read my What Women Want (part 1&2) and What Guys Want entries, you know most guys are interested in Sex, and girls are interested in what a guy can provide. Let's summarize and show what Guys and Girls are REALLY thinking (in italics)

 Guys thoughts vs Girls thoughts.

Guy approaches girl at bar:

Guy: Hi, I'm John   [Hi I think you're hot. Would you like some penis?]
Girl: Hi, I'm Jenny [Yes, I do, but only if you can pass my 837 point certified questions]
Guy: Nice to meet you Jenny, can I get you a drink? [God damn it, now I have to shell out some cash so she doesn't think I'm cheap]
Girl: Sure that would be nice [He's cute, and seems very nice I hope he doesn't f#@k it up by saying anything stupid]
Guy: So, where are you from? What do you do? What interests do you have? [Man, I don't really care what her answers are, but in order to ride this pony at the rodeo, I have to pretend that I'm more interested in her than a Chinese geek is to calculus class, otherwise I won't get any]
Girl: Well, I'm from X, I'm a X, and I like to X and you? [Cool, this guy seems to really care about my interests. Hmmm, I wonder what he does for a living. I hope he's rich AND really sweet and caring, AND is smart, AND funny AND will treat me like a lady]
Guy: I'm a banker/lawyer/doctor and live in "insert fancy neighborhood here" [hee hee I'm so smart I said banker/lawyer/doctor so magically she's attracted to me]
Girl: Oh that's cool [Woohoo jackpot! A guy who's cute, successful AND rich. Now if he's as nice as he sounds now I'm gonna marry him in a year. I'm gonna tie this guy down like he's the last lobster tail at the buffet]
Guy: Would you like to go to dinner sometime? [I've done all the "mandatory" chores necessary to pass your stupid 837 point certified test questions, can I take you home and make you moan like I stepped on a sea otter?]
Girl: Sure my mobile is xxx-xxx-xxxx call me  [If you want to make me moan like a sea otter, just call the #, take me to some nice restaurant, treat me nice, make me laugh, don't talk about yourself all the time, have no STDs, treat me w/ respect, but at the same time I want to be treated like a lady, kill icky bugs cuz they scare me, fix the squeaking door, change my car oil, mow the lawn, be nice to my friends and especially my parents, listen to me bitch about life and why nobody understands me, go shopping w/ me, carry my bags cuz it's heavy, come to Home Depot to furnish the place, go food shopping so I can finally have someone to bring home bottles of drinks, no more flirting or talking to other girls, no more poker nights, can't spend the whole day watching football, try yoga, eat more vegetables, stay up w/ me all night if I'm not feeing well, ask directions when you're lost, keep the toilet seat down, eat my cooking even tho in this day and age nobody learns to cook and you better like it, plan our wedding, remember my favorite flavour ice cream, buy me flowers for no reason, think of imaginary names of future kids, do the dishes, laundry, paint the house, etc. etc. etc. and do all this without committing suicide]
Guy: Great I'll call you. [Is it worth it? Ok, fine, I'm so horny it's better than the hole in 4 day old stale bagels.  Man, I'm so f#$ked]

Now, guys and girls, don't be stupid and ask your Significant Other if the above is true. It's true, but they're NOT going to ADMIT it. They'll make up some excuse "no of course it's not true girl, I came up to you because I thought you were beautiful".  Don't bother, ask your real single friends.

The sad thing about this, is that even tho it's 90% true, this is considered a very normal conversation. Guys, don't you know girls want something besides sex by now?  Girls, don't you know guys only need 2 things?  If you're lacking, read the older articles. It's in there.  Did anybody hook up just prior to the Valentine's Weekend? Millions of condoms will be thrown in the trash tonight.  Oh, and if any of you guys feel pressure from your gf to commit long term? Make sure when you're in the bathroom, she doesn't take that condom and umm "empty the contents into her uterus" otherwise in 9 months your "loss" is her "gain".  Man I'm so gross haha.

So who is worse? The guy that just wants action? Or the girl who wants to give a prison sentence?

I DID it! My first SOLO Airplane Flight (video)

Getting closer to my Pilot's license. Anybody want to fly to Napa Valley? or Niagara Falls? Should only be like an 1.5 hour flight. No stupid TSA security checks. Question, if I knock down the LLY in the Hollywood sign, would I be famous for like a couple of days?  Here is a video of my first landing (I bounced a little bit).  My god, LA is boring, can't find ONE person in this lame city that even wants to watch the SuperBowl. At least one person in LA is cool, I'm going to bring up 15 tomatoes, and fly over the 405 so I can bomb whoever drives only 70 in the left lane and slow traffic. I brought one friend up already, if anybody wants to escape and explore let me know (ladies more than welcome ).  Oh and come to NY for my party Saturday (details below)

TAKEOFF

WEEZGUY's Valentine's BDAY. EVERYONE's invited. FREE next week Feb 10th.

Sorry, the link may or may not work. I think you have to log in.  I hope everyone can make it.  I made it FREE for everyone if they mention my name at the door. Bring your friends.

You may need to login your evite account to see it, let me know if it works or not. Email and or IM me.

http://www.evite.com/pages/invite/viewInvite.jsp?event=LCZNCHGTOODXXDFMWDQY

My god, this has got to be one of the most boring cities in the world.  NOBODY does anything here. My friend from NY visited me last weekend, and we went out Thursday, and every bar we went to was EMPTY.  On Friday we went to Hollywood by ourselves, because everyone I called did nothing but stay home and watch a movie or something. We went to Vanguard and somebody got shot.

Being  a NYker I don't waste time for stupid traffic, so I went the backroads to avoid the traffic, and the police pull me over, and made me put my hands where they can see them.  Apparently they thought since I was going the backroads, I was the one that did the shooting and was trying to escape. Does anyone actually try to avoid traffic here or is everyone just stupid and don't know they're way around the backstreets? Does anybody in LA actually know their way around? I've only been here a few months and I know the roads better than 80% of the people here. They actually ask me directions.  Then we saw 3 separate accidents. Someone ran into the sign at the 101 and Hollywood, some others hit the divider and various poles.

Next day we saw 4 separate arrests on the streets w/ people in handcuffs. And all the bars clubs close at 130 and then everyone just goes home.  I can't find anybody in this stupid city that likes to go out. Everyone stays home all the damn time.  People are nicer here, but of course they are fake. "Sure let's hang out sometime", and then they do crap. One of my friend's friend wanted to show him around. Get this, it was RAINING last Saturday in LA and she STILL took him to Venice beach because she couldn't think of anyplace to show him. Who takes someone to the beach in January when it's raining? What did she expect to do? Make mud sand castles? The people are NOT prettier, but they are nicer, but dumber.  I said to someone "wow the weather is so nice here it makes NY look like Iraq after an explosion". She says "oh I didn't know Iraq was in NY"  ........ 

So basically if I don't go out Friday or Saturday by myself, the rest of the week you just sit at home apparently and watch tv. My friend went back to NY in disgust, it's nothing like what he sees on tv he says. I've had 3 people visit me from NY since I've moved here and after being here a few days, they changed their mind about Cali. Basically it's just one huge street w/ shopping malls, Mexicans, and Rice boy Honda Civics.

Well at least the weather is nice.     I'm losing one IQ point every week I'm here. frustrating

Weezguy's Guide To Sex

Hey guys, I was thinking of writing PART 2 of What people are really thinking of Sex (male version).  For those who forgot here's the female point of view. Should I write part 2? or do you guys want another topic?

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=weezguy&nextdate=5%2f27%2f2003+23%3a59%3a59.999