February 14, 2003

• What Guys Want (finally)

  
  

              

  
  

  Happy Valentine bday to me After the successful What Women Want series (part 1 & 2), I’ve been bombarded for requests for the male counterpart. Please read WWW 1 and 2 to see the comparisons to make it easier to read at http://www.xanga.com/weezguy the January 7th and 22nd entries.  Quoting one response “haha you know, you’re helping a lot of guys out there nail a lot of girls .. but how about helping the girls out a little too? it’s only fair to balance the scale! ;]” Well ladies, this is for you.

  
  

  Even though I’m a guy, this was actually harder to write than What Women Want, since I don’t pay attention to guys. Well, some of the things here I don’t even do myself but I have observed in other guys.
  So, what do guys Want? (as if you didn’t know) ……. sex. Whoa, what a revelation. Somebody call 911!! Girls complain they don’t understand guys but guys are so simple and straightforward. But what you girls REALLY want to know, is how to make a guy stay with you. Here lies the price of admission (you girls should buy me dinner for these secrets). Let’s start at the top shall we?

  
  

  In our society, females want a guy to take care of them. Physically (be able to carry heavy boxes, kill icky bugs), Mentally (able to have less emotional decisions), Financially (to be able to support her). It doesn’t work the other way around tho’. Do you think a woman making $60k/year wants to hook up w/ some $7/hour Taco Bell* making, tongue pierced, college dropout? Guys on the other hand, don’t need someone to lift boxes, kill bugs, or depend on girls for paychecks. So what’s left that a girl can offer? Well slap me silly, I guess it’s Sex and companionship. That is what guys want in a girl, which is why physical appearance is more important to a guy than a girl.

  
  

  Compared to the girls, guys are a lot simpler:
  Girls like guys taller. Guys don’t care. Girls like guys older. Guys don’t care. Girls like guys more educated, mature, and financially stable. Guys JUST DON’T CARE. If a 5’5″ 21 year old guy is approached by a hot 5’10″ 24 year old model, What’s he going to say? “no your too old for me”?

  
  

  OK, let’s back up here shall we? Let’s rephrase and use a sliding scale. Due to society guys usually would prefer a tall girl who ends up usually being a little shorter than them. Age however is more stubborn. As guys grow up, they usually date girls the same age or a little younger than them. 17 vs 16, 21 vs 19, 25 vs 22 etc. But a strange happens when a girl reaches her late 20s. The girl suddenly turns into a broken down car and can’t keep up. While guys move on to their 30s, 40s, 50s etc. they still want a girl in their 20s (or as close as they can get to it) I’m talking phsyically of course. Can you say Hum sup lo (ask ur cantonese friends)? Think about it, do you think a guy would want a wrinkled, crusty, halitosis infested, age spot ridden, varicose veins showing, post-menopausal, pear shaped woman that smells like Ben-Gay, has boobs that sag like old flowers, and has cellulite thighs that make cottage cheese jealous? duhh, i guess not

  
  

  Physically guys have different tastes, but generally guys are either a face-man, breast man, or ass man. Depending on the guy, each has their own order of importance. Guys usually like girls with long hair, big eyes, high cheekbone, slender body with lots of curves and decent size breasts. Most guys actually don’t like HUGE breasts, but something that is a handful and enough to play with. The way she can change her hairstyle to fit the occassion is wonderful, from long and sexy to up and sporty.  If a women smells good, it’s intoxicating (ever see Scent of a Women?). A feminine voice is sexy, but sounds she makes while sleeping is sexier (and i’m not talking SNORING but the little sounds or words she makes while sleeping). Tight clothes, tan lines, smooth skin round up some of physical things that make a girl attractive. Some guys prefer the slutty naughty girl, while others want to take an innocent church girl and ruin her. Ladies, just make sure you have a distinct look and you will attract guys who will distinguish you from others.

  
  

  So guys just want a girl for their looks right? NO. What makes a girl attractive does not mean the guy will stay with her. Have you ever seen a REALLY REALLY HOT girl at a club where 20 guys are hitting on her all nite? First she ignores guys, then she tells them to F**K off. She acts like a bitch, thinks her sh*t dont’ smell and gets free drinks from guys all nite. Finally after taking all the abuse, one guy finally is able to break thru and gets a conversation going. WAKE UP girlfriend, what do you think he’s interested in, your stunning angelic Personality? Think about it, your’re not nice, your stuck up, you’re not sociable, your hair is so blonde it reflects off the disco balls… BUT your hot. What kind of guys do you expect to get? gee, i dunno. Are you awake yet? You’re gonna get guys who are only interested in your body. So if you complain you can’t find a decent guy, you better start hanging up those stilettos honey, and come back down to earth and start smiling like you won a lifetime of free manicures. Cuz if you’re nice, they’ll actually like your for your insides as well.

  
  

  Remember, sex and companionship? Well, this is the companionship part.  Guys like girls who are genuinely nice. High maintenance girls are a turn off, as well as those girls who think they’re all that. A hot girl may attract a lot of guys, but after the lust is over, there’s nothing else that makes him want to stay. Although this is the era of Equal Rights, guys still find it warm if a girl knows how to take care of the house and him. A girl that can cook is a BIG plus and I’m not talking about Swanson** microwave dinners and Pasta 6 days a week. Knowing that a girl will be by your side (not ATTACHED to your side) is a comforting feeling. When on a date, if a girl offers to pay for her share of the dinner is a BIG plus. It shows she’s not high maintenance, doesn’t have that I deserve to be pampered attitude, and most importantly shows that she cares enough about the guy to think about HIS feelings. Now I wouldn’t make a girl pay for the date, but just the fact that she offers would make me want to care for her even more. The key is to show that you care enough about a guy and mean it genuinely. Remember if you care only about yourself, you will be by yourself.

  
  

  Now how do you attract these guys in the first place? Here are some tips. It’s sad to say, but wearing sexy clothes gets you noticed (not necessarily slutty, although that attracts certain guys too). It doesn’t have be expensive, simple will do, tight jeans, a nice sundress, short skirts, low rise pants, anything tight. But if you are in the “Plus Size” category, you might as well wear a blanket or some other loose drape. Try to develop a sincere smile. Don’t fake it (even if you wear braces, he’ll find out eventually). For you NYC girls, be friendly. One thing a guy hates is saying hi to a girl only to have her stare at you, roll her eyes and walk away like “why are YOU talking to me?”.  If you are at a club, try to seperate yourself from your group of gfs and walk in groups of 2 at the most. Don’t dance in a fobby looking circle. It’s a lot easier for a guy to go up to one girl instead of trying to meet someone in a group and get shot down in front of everyone. The fear of being rejected in front of everyone scares a lot of guys. Never ever ask a guy to buy you a drink, Guys HATE that. What are we? walking ATMs? You’ll be labeled a gold digger (but then again if your hot, guys will treat you like a ho, and buy you drinks anyways). Just talk to the guy, and if he likes you (or not brain dead, or cheap) he’ll offer you a drink. If he seems like a decent guy, laugh at his dumb jokes (but not all, if you laugh too much, you’ll be labeled an airhead and you will be a short term project of his). In this age of Joe Millionaire*** be a little aggressive. Guys like it when girls come up to them. Give him hints, touch his arm (among other places, depending on your skank level). Why should girls always be the victim? Lie and tell him how cute, funny, and smart he is. But don’t overdo it, if he’s semi-smart he’ll catch on. If you’re TOO flirtatious, he’ll think of you as a cheap thrill. Balance niceness, flirting, and conservatism all together and you get to control the shots.

  
  

  If you understand the male mentality, you will have a happier relationship. Guys, unlike girls, Like to be left alone. Whereas girls want guys to do things together (ice skate w/ friends, babyshowers, dinner w/ the inlaws), guys want to be left ALONE and in peace!! He doesn’t want to bake STUPID cookies, or have pot luck dinner, or go shopping at IKEA****, or play with friggin Muffin the cat *****. WOMAN, just let him play video games, play ball, go drinking, or watch football with his friends. If you have to be there, serve some beer and pizza while the game is on. Guys have this ego thing where they like feeling in charge (even though we know who wears the pants in the relationship). Just appease the guy and make him look good in front of his friends, he’ll love you more for it. And if a girl likes the same things as guys such as video games, sports, electronics, and driving a stick shift (mucho sexy) you will gain his admiration (a balance of feminine and tomboy is orgasmic). And for god sake woman, never nag at a guy. Now if you make an agreement with him to do something, he’ll understand, but don’t constantly Nag Nag, Nag. Eventually it’ll sound like nails against a chalkboard. He’ll start to lose respect for you and that’s when he’ll actually WANT to sleep on the couch.

  
  

  If you ladies are still confused, let’s make it really easy by introducing the 2/3s rule. What’s the 2/3 rule you ask? No i’ts not a fractions class. Basically take everything Women Want in a Guy (read parts 1 & 2), such as Smarts, Sense of humor, Niceness,  Wittyness etc. etc. and take 2/3s of that and replace the last 1/3 with physical attributes. You see, guys want the same thing girls do, but just less so. For example, a girl can be 2/3s as nice as the girl next to her if her breasts are 1/3 bigger, or a girl can have an IQ 2/3s as high as the smart one if she is 33% better looking. It also works in reverse, if a girl is totally butt ugly, she better be at least 33% nicer (actually make it 50% nicer for butt ugly cases). Yes, yes I know guys are pigs, but since his need for ladies are more for the companionship than financial stability, they can afford to be more one dimensional. When in doubt, use the 2/3s rule.

  
  

  Well this is all I have to say for now. You see, guys are more simple in their needs, but not less needy. And of course all guys are different, so be flexible in your approach.  Some guys will always be players while others “mature” at an early age. These are the way some guys are, no matter how nice you are to them, they have some sort of desire to sow their oats. But usually the older a guy is, the more willing he is to settle down. Remember ladies, be thoughtful, he may be after one thing, but if you don’t give yourself a chance to show how nice you are, you may miss that Prince Charming.

  
  

  Again, written by myself (w/ no help). Don’t forget to wish me a happy Valentine B’day. Feel free to forward this to single ladies to help them find someone, and make sure you give Weezguy credit. Give me feedback, and any opinions on what you want me to write next. I read them, and will make adjustments Until the next topic, have a great day.

  
  

  *Taco Bell is owned by Yum! Brands Inc, a fortune 300 company.
  ** Swanson Foods is part of the Campbell Soup Company.
  *** JoeMillionaire TM and Fox all rights reserved.
  **** THE IKEA GROUP has 154 stores in 22 countries (as of August 31, 2002)
  ***** Muffin is a fictatious cat name. No real cats were harmed during the writing of this documentary.

  
  

   

  • 9:24 pm
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