What Couples Want (happy new years)
Sorry for the delay. This article is difficult to write as I have to fight many emotions I am currently having and to be objective as possible. Many of you read my What Women Want and What Guys Want articles (based on the feedback, I'm glad you guys enjoyed them). However, as you know, what guys and girls want are not always the same. No wonder couples always split up. Now it has been bestowed on me, to write this article to somehow combine 2 unrelated needs into one. Now this isn't any easy task, it's like taking a raw fish and a couple of eggs and sticking them in a blender and trying to make it taste good. Or going into a bathroom after someone loses a diarrhea war armed w/ a can of generic Lysol?from a 99¢ store and trying to make the room smell good before your nose hairs singe away. It AIN'T easy. Yet, w/ a bid of hard work, (and an iron stomach), we CAN make it work. Therefore may I present to you..... What Couples Want.
To preface this article, I would like to again begin w/ a disclaimer, everyone is different and we are going by generalities. So don't start complaining if your man, woman is an exception (weird). Everyone is special.
Now what do you think couples want? It's actually kind of simple actually, they want to be happy. Well D-U-H. But the main problem, is that by being in some type of relationship, there are always differences of opinion. The key desire is, how to selfishly keep as much of your own beliefs (it's ok to eat in front of the tv), desires (missionary again?), habits (the toilet seats stays down), fetishes (i don't care if it tastes like fish, EAT IT!!) intact while sacrificing as little as possible. Got that? You can't be giving up too much of what you enjoy just to please the other person otherwise you yourself will not be happy.
Well, how do we accomplish that? The easiest (and best way) is through luck (or fate, depending on your beliefs) and that the happy couple just so happens to have personalities that complement each other. For example, some lame guys are very indecisive and take forever to decide. If you have a indecisive girl also, who decides if the toilet seat can stay up or not? Who's going to decide what to have for dinner? However, if you have a very confident lady "Wilbur, the toilet seat stays down!!" then you have a couple that can even things out, since one person's weakness can be someone else's strength.
The Toilet Bowl Theory
Let's illustrate this theory to make it a little clearer. We take a nice porcelain American Standard toilet bowl. Inside we have 2 ingredients. Let's be nice and make the lady the water, and the guy the crap. Notice the water is quiet by herself w/ no problems and also notice the water level. Not too HIGH, and not too Low. All the sudden here comes the crap (guy) plopping himself in with the water causing some ripples, stinkage and discoloration. This is generally what happens when a girl and guy come together, there is a sea of change as their lifestyles have changed a little. BUT, notice after a while as the crap has settled (or floats depending on the type of guy). The water level is STILL THE SAME.
Yes folks, you heard me, a Happy Couple should be a Functioning TOILET. I don't care if you're Black, White, Yellow, Purple, American Standard, Eljer, Kohler, whatever, just be a Toilet and keep the Water Level the same.
Notice, no matter how much Crap you put in the toilet. No matter if you're a softy, a hardass, come in many pieces or corny, as long as the personality fits each other, the Toilet Water level STAYS the same. Now, if the guy is a jerk and decides he's the one to make all the decisions (crap), well watch what happens: The toilet can take the inital barrage without any damage. But if he keeps crapping, crapping, crapping, crapping, that poor toilet is going to say "i had it up to here w/ your sh*t". Eventually the toilet clogs, the water leaves the toiletbowl (relationship) and all you end up is a unhealthy overclogged toilet (w/ water around it). On the contrary, if there's too much water (girl power), the water level is too high, there's no room to add crap (inflexibility in the relationship), it splahes too much and ur butt gets wet since the water level is so high. Is this what you want? NO. So remember, a happy couple (toilet) should be able to withstand the personality of the individual, but don't overstep your boundaries and force your beliefs (or water level) onto the other.
Ok, now that we've explained how important matching personalities are, we have to go by some general rules that everyone should know. Be nice to each other. This goes w/o saying but it's amazing how often this is forgotten. Say thank you, show them they are appreciated for things they've done for you. Be polite. Consider their point of view before making decisions. Respect each other's feeling and decisions. Express how happy you are with them, hug them, kiss them, smile. You know, not everyone has a good day, but don't take out your anger on them. Make sure the person knows they are not the ones of the frustration (unless of course they are :O). Try little surprises once in a while. It doesn't have to cost any money, just remembering the things they like and doing things to show you remember how to make them happy. Basically what you are doing is expressing to them how much they are wanted and loved. That's the basic message. If you forget, put it on a post it note where you will see it everyday.
Ok,you still with me? Now comes the harder part. the negatives. These are usually the real reasons why couples split. Let's put some bullet points.
LOVE - ahhh, the sick word that everyone strives for and everyone who is single HATES! "i just wuvy, luvy dovey you my sugar plum" --ackkk SHUT UP. Don't single people hate that? Get a room, or take some depressants that put them in the same level as everyone else. But the thing is, unless both people are in that enchanted (sick) place of Love, it's not going to work. If either person is not in love, eventually it will fall apart. So be true to yourself and fair to them. If you're not in Love, dont' prolong the eventual outcome it'll just be a waste of time.
MONEY - Cha ching! Ever hear that Beatles song? "All you need is love?"² You have to remember that was written in the 60's in the age of free love, flower power and Ecstasy would have just been an appetizer. Wake up! It's the 21st century. We don't name our children Rainbow anymore and it's not cool to have a Psychadelic colored Volkswagon Beetle? If there's one thing that destroys loving couples, it is money. Some guys are too cheap (for god sake take her out once in a while), some girls buy enough shoes to cover every foot in Pakistan. You have to have some type of responsibility. Perhaps I will write an article in the future but to summarize: You have to make more than you spend. Occassionally you should go splurge and show your Significant Other (SO) how special they are to you. But in general you should not be buying Playboy Magazines when you can't even afford to refill your SoySauce container. Be responsbible, work together, make a budget good enough for the couple as a whole, but allow individual needs and stick to them. Who knows? The Volkswagon Beetle came back, maybe so will the romance.
SEX: Ever go to a spa and got a rotten massage? Like you went in to get relaxed and feel better, and instead you come out w/ ribs poking out, your neck is pinched, and you instead of being relaxed, you become constipated? Well HELLO!! anyone home? Who wants bad sex? Work on it people (If you need help read my How to have Sex artcile for Xangans, May 27,2003 entry). Oh and by the way, infidelity is a bad thing.
MAINTENANCE: Here is something that not everyone thinks about. Maintenance is work, and although it isn't heavy work, it's sometimes hard work. For example, throwing away a Refrigerator is heavy work. It's heavy, big and slow, but once it's done it's done. Throwing away the trash is hard work. Although it's light, you have to keep on doing it again and again for years. Relationships are the same way. You can't take the person for granted. It takes work to maintain the newness, sexyness, excitement. And if that's not hard enough, there are many people out there who are high maintenance themselves. Girls who need 50 bags and 5000 shoes, and a guy to buy all the stuff for them. Guys who expect cold beer and a warm p*ssy (and not the other way around) after a hard day's work. I'll summarize and make it simple: the more you do for yourself and less you rely on the other person, the stronger the relationship will be. Don't fall for the stereotypical "a guy is SUPPOSED to this" or "she's supposed to cook" etc. etc. Maybe back in the old days when your dad had to walk to school in the snow, or your mom took the laundry out to the river, but NOT now. It's romantic to do things for someone else, but the moment you start to expect it, it puts strain on your relationship. You want happiness, not who's right or wrong.
Sorry this took so long. It's not that I was writing or thinking about it for a while, just never got around to it. Remember, treat your S.O. the way you want to be treated and you will get an idea how both people should work together. Respect each other's wishes, w/o overstepping them. Work on compromise but enough to keep yourself happy. And for god/goodness (depending on your faith) sakes, get a room.
Again, I await your comments and flames. What's next on the agenda? Another Sex article? How to be successful? How to be well liked? Well, let me know. As always, thank you for reading I respond to feedback when I can.
1. Lysol is a Reckitt Benckiser Product originally produced in 1912 when Lehn & Fink Products began US production of Lysol - originally imported from Germany
2. All you Need is Love - Released In the USA on July 17 1967 - Capitol 5964 , #1 on the Billboard charts August 19, 1967, written by John Lennon, Beatles
3. Volkswagon Beetle (not to be confused w/ the Beatles) prototype began in 1934 w/ 22hp, and remained in production in 2003 in Mexico. The New Beetle was introduced in 1998 and continues to be in production.
Weezguy on Trampoline Video, click here (in .mpg format). I hope you enjoyed the video, if you can't view it, right click here and save to hd first then play it .
skin burns
Video: Click Here for Behind the scenes (in .mpg format)
Manhattan: Started the journey by going thru the Holland Tunnel which connects to New Jersey under the Hudson River. The tunnel was completed in 1927. The reason a tunnel was chosen over building a bridge was that a high clearance was needed for harbor ships and the amount of land needed was too costly.
Delaware: The 2nd smallest state in the United States. The Delaware Memorial bridge connects New Jersey to Delaware over the famous Delaware River where George Washington mounted his historic attack against the British and Hessians in 1776. 
Baltimore, Maryland: Inside the Fort McHenry Tunnel opened in 1985 as part of I-95.
Pennsylvania: The Keystone State, the origin of the nickname can not be traced although it has been toasted as the "keystone in the federal union" while the infant country was in its developemental stages. 
Indiana: The Hoosier State
Chicago, Illinois
Arkansas: Birthplace of former President Bill Clinton
Dallas
Texas Ranger Hall of Fame
Mexican License plate near the border.
very scary dust storms in the desert
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