Perhaps once is a fluke, twice is coincidence, but THREE times in one month? One must start questioning the sanctity of "common" nature.  I was standing at a bar of a fine social establishment, when the following conversation ensues:

(Weezguy is standing at the bar, A fair haired white girl approaches):

White Girl:  Hi, how you doing?
Weezguy:  Fine, yourself?
White Girl:  My friend thinks you're cute.

(Based on recent exepriences, Weezguy is more leery, therefore he takes a look at her friends, and notices there are only 3 white males)

Weezguy:  Is it a guy?
White Girl:  Yes, would you like to meet him?

(Weezguy demonstrates a polite yet nervous smile, while inside his head is shrieking "oh @%#% G-D Damn it, not again!!")

Weezguy: I'm sorry I only like girls.
White Girl: Oh, I understand. Too bad, you guys would be great together.

After having the previous dialogue happen, one must contemplate the following:  WTF is going on here!!!???? Recently I've been approached by more Caucasian females for some reason, and 1/2 of them were to introduce me to a MR. friend.  I feel like Deuce Bigalow, and receiving ALL shapes and sizes, EXCEPT Hourglass.  You know, I get the Shaquille O'Neal looking giant females, Frosty the round snowwoman, Mini-Me's, and NSync looking boy bands. And those are the good ones. Then I get 300lb Jenny Craig BEFORE models, followed by Pizza face (supreme) before the cheese is melted.

Hmmm, I'm not attracted to guys (at all), but it's nice to know you're wanted and have options right?  Ok, the answer is NO.  The answer is ALWAYS no no and umm.......No.

I do NOT wear pinks shirts, I do NOT wear inhale before you button tight jeans, do NOT paint my nails, do NOT skip around, although I do dance entertainingly, hmmm and I do not giggle like a mischievous pimple-faced teenager when a guy gets a wedgy.

What do you see that makes you decide if a guy is straight as Ron Jeremy's penis, or as GAY as 328 prisoners stuck in a shower watching a navy military parade.  Who knew that I needed a cockblocker also? grrrr. help, anyone? Mamasita where are you?

oh which reminds me i have to finish the Guide to clubbin part 2

2005 Halloween Parade

edit: BTW WEEZGUY's Guide to Clubbin part 2 coming soon, to a xanga near you (this time stop jackin my articles hehe)

Anybody want to walk the NYC Halloween Parade w/ me Monday (oct 31) on 6th ave? email or IM me. I'm dressing up.

 (click picture) got this from fubucheekz site. I was on stage of Roseland on the costume contest jamming to (err i mean playing) the bagpipe. Only made it to semi-finals

EDIT:  Here are some of the results of the weekend from SWEDISH 3 BREASTED HERMAPHRODITE BAGPIPE PLAYER say that 3 times fast.

Parade:   Click Here for Weezguy's Narration of the Parade. (in case you can't understand let me translate the narration since it was noisy there)

Sorry, the movie was shot sideways, but you get the gist:  "Hello, this is Weezguy, I'm on the 6th ave, parade over here, Umm, This is my costume, I'm a bagpipe playa, (dances) see that? Now what I'm gonna do is walk around the street and go up there, and then we're gonna go uptown, all right? Now, we're gonna have loads of fun, come back later, bye".

My friend dressed up as a gay sailor girl hahha. He was really cold. haha, stupid gay !^@# haha j/k  =P

About 150 cameras and tv video cameras came to take pictures of us.  More people wanted to touch my 3 boobs, but my friend got more whistles haha, I wonder why.

 The parade was SOOOOOO fun. Wish more people came w/ us. We got more attention than the parade itself, since it was off limits behind fences. But we were in the middle of the crowd. So we stood there dumbfounded as people's cameras kept on flashing us, like a 50 yr old pervert in a trenchcoat. My friends and I met tons of people. Keep your eyes out for us in some magazines.

Oh, one part that was really funny, we were passing some restaurants and Starbucks Coffee, and people dancing in front of the window. Well I come along, and plant ALL 3 of my BOOBS against the glass, and smashed them like pancakes as the whole restaurant cracks up. Then upon releasing the glass, the rubber boobs caved inwards towards my body, as I embarrisingly withdrew. Then I was like "oh crap" and pulled them out, and I had the WHOLE place in tears. It's really funny to see a whole place dying laughing all at the same time as people couldn't hold their food in.

Told you, you should have came .  It was more fun than a hanging a banana on a string from the ceiling 1 inch above a chimpanzee's reach.

Various party pix:

Weezguy's Halloween Costume Unveiling

also edit: People have been stealing my articles w/o giving me credit (mostly the clubbin one). If you see it, please tell them to give credit where credit is due, thanx guys

edit: I went to 3rd floor and Camel in my Nasty Ass Wig and teeth (below). Haha, for some reason all the girls were scared at me. I think cuz it looks real. Even people that knew me were freaked out until they found out who I was.  But I must say I did meet a lot of people, too bad they were afriad to shake my hand hehe. mission accomplished

The following picture is NOT what I will be wearing for Halloween.  However, due to the Holiday spirit, I decided to have some fun and play around w/ unsuspecting people on the streets and the bars.  I took the following items from previous years:

 False Ghetto Teeth (w/ the nice Gold tooth)

 One black hair wig

 White contact lenses (I wore 2)

Put this together and you get:

   Creepy Pyscho man.  Remember this is NOT my Halloween costume. I just wore this on the streets and I freaked people out hahahah. People would avoid me, some girls got scared and walked on the other side of the road.  I went to this bar, and I don't know, for some reason a  lot of the girls wouldn't stand next to me. <shrugz>.   I walked w/ a limp, and when it was dark outside, I admit I did scare the begeesus out of people. FUNNY. Maybe I'll try it in K town and see what happens.

OkOk, Drum Roll Please.... Here is what you guys have been waiting for. My Halloween Costume.

From the back I look like a typical SchoolGirl right?

 but from the front:...............

Swedish Transexual 3 breasted Hermaphrodite Bagpiper

Yes folks. Weezguy has come up w/ something Hilarious and umm, original. So who wants to come hang out w/ me this weekend? Friday Saturday and the 6th Ave Parade on Monday? IM me if you want to come Pregame together. If you want fun, you must come.  Hmm should I shoot more videos? Where am I going? I don't know. I guess Roseland on Saturday. Come say hi, and offer to "Blow My Pipes".

What do you guys think?

Background Music (at time of writing): Celtic Scotland the Brave

Halloween!! Weezguy's LEGENDARY FUNNIEST COSTUMEs (click the video clips, they are F U N N Y).

edit: going costume shoppin this week, Sun is the 6th ave parade, anyone interested?

After winning a contest here or there, it is that time of year again everyone is waiting for. This year, I am going to unveil my costume BEFORE the holiday parties. Come back Thurs or Friday when it will be REVEALED.  Anybody want to come over and prepare w/ me this year? What shall I be this year? Let's recap previous years shall we?

  2001:  Skank Ho.  OMG this GUY was so drunk, look where he put his hands. I was soooooooo violated. I felt like a girl who thought the gynecologist was gay but wasn't.

 2002:  Big Titty Cheerleader.  Let's just say the PomPoms weren't the only attention grabber that year.  I made it to Webster Hall's Website that year. Where else can you dance HipHop and Trance, and have people cheer you on (and some drunk people sticking heads under my skirt)

 2003: Wonder Woman on Drugs:  Click this link for that entry.  I won the Supper Club contest that year. When a guy wears a bikini bottom made for a girl, he has NOWHERE to hide. I drank myself silly that night so nothing would get me excited haha.  Let's just say, I have NEVER heard the N train so quiet that night.  I know people were staring at me from the corner of their eyes.  I have a movie clip of it here: Wonder Woman (on drugs) plays Dance Dance Revolution. Click HERE.  Be Patient as it loads.

 2004: Pregnant Hula Dancer: Click this link for that entry.  This costume required more physical work since the costume had to "perform" as well as be seen. I had to shake my pregnant abdomen for the world to see (tiring after 30 seconds). Plus I had fake boobs and flashed people w/ my coconut bra. While walking home after a party at 4am in Times Sq, I passed by a group of those black power groups. Needless to say, they were yelling about anger of the repressed African people. As I got closer, they ALL stopped talking and started staring at me w/ ANGRY eyes. I was really scared they were gonna jump me. But when I got really close, they ALL started cracking up. Who else can turn 25 black people from anger to laughter in a span of 15 seconds?  At the annual parade on 6th avenue, Camera crews filmed us, and I got stopped by 10 policemen (and woman) so they can take a picture w/ me. 2 links:  This link is the movie of the Halloween parade.    But the FUNNIER movie is this one:  ****Click HERE for Pregnant Hula girl doing her thing behind the scenes******.

So 2005?  Where are you guys going this Weekend? Who wants to come over Friday and Saturday, dress up and walk around the streets (Times Sq was hilarious as people stared at me) before we go to the Weekend parties. And Also the Halloween parade.  I'm serious, this is more fun than the first time having sex w/ ur parents not around (not that I would know of course). So let me know whre u guys are headed. AIM or email me. I GUARANTEE you will have fun w/ me.

Theme song (at time of writing): 1984's hit movie GhostBusters and the #1 theme song by Ray Parker Jr.

Ghostbusters…
If there's somethin' strange in your neighborhood
Who ya gonna call (ghostbusters)
If it's somethin' weird an it won't look good
Who ya gonna call (ghostbusters)

I ain't afraid a no ghost
I ain't afraid a no ghost
If you're seein' things runnin' thru your head
Who can you call (ghostbusters)
An' invisible man sleepin' in your bed
Oh who ya gonna call (ghostbusters)
I ain't afraid a no ghost
I ain't afraid a no ghost
Who ya gonna call (ghostbusters)
If you're all alone pick up the phone
An call (ghostbusters)

I ain't afraid a no ghost
I hear it likes the girls
I ain't afraid a no ghost
Who you gonna call (ghostbusters)
Mm…if you've had a dose
Of a freaky ghost baby
You better call ghostbusters
Bustin' makes me feel good
I ain't afraid a no ghosts

Don't get caught alone oh no…ghostbuster
When he comes through your door
Unless you've just got some more
I think you better call ghostbusters
Ooh... who you gonna call (ghostbusters)
Who you gonna call (ghostbusters)
Ah, I think you better call (ghostbusters)

I can't hear you…(ghostbusters)
Who you gonna call (ghostbusters)
Louder ghostbusters
Who you gonna call (ghostbusters)
Who you can call ghostbusters…(till fade)

Sexy? What's attractive, and what's not ?

 SEXY  NOT SEXY   FATAL

What makes a girl (or a guy) attractive? Is it just their appearance? Or the way they act?, their personality?, the way they do things? or are they just plain Hizzzzzot? Why is it that sometimes you want to kiss someone the first time you meet them, while others you make you squirm and empty your bladder the moment you see them in the corner of your eye? There are reasons folks! There are some hot people who's personality turns you off like watching fat senior citizen porn, and on the other end of the spectrum there are some really cute ugly people (oxymoron) out there. I'd like to share w/ you, some things that I feel are Sexy, and some big Turn offs. Each paragraph, I'll give a brief description.  Shall we begin?

SEXY: A hot looking person
NOT Sexy: An Ugly person
FATAL: An Ugly person trying to be a hot person
Ok folks, we might as well admit it. When someone is hot, there is just raw animal attraction. You know, this is is what gets the soldier to stand at attention, or maybe makes a girl carry around an extra panty shield. However, do you know what's worse than an ugly person? It's an ugly person trying to look like they're hot. Girl, if you are a size 31, do NOT try to squeeze into BabyGAP clothing ok? There's nothing more UNSexy (is that a word?) than wearing a hoochie outfit, w/ fat rolls hanging out like a teenage delinquent. Get that kid home, smack him a few times, lock it up and throw away the key. This goes the same for you guys w/ either a scrawny Ethiopian cratered chest, or guys w/ ManBreasts who like to take their shirt off in public. They should be shot like a courier of OsamaBinLaden.  If you are unattractive, take what dignity you have and put as much clothing on as you can. Yes, covering acne, and cysts are good. You want to wear MORE, not less. Clothes may make the man, but girls in Chinese sweatshops make the clothes. Don't let their work go for naught. Cover up and make the world a prettier place to live. Give a Hoot don't pollute.

SEXY: Someone that can make you laugh
NOT Sexy: Someone that makes you sleep
FATAL: Someone that makes you release ur bowels

We all want to be happy right? What's more happy than being with someone that makes you smile and laugh all day as if your crotch was being tickled by a vibrator all day? Some people are witty, and you get that "brain laughter" (oh, I get it), while other people are airheads and laugh at anything (probably an easy score). I like girls who can joke about anything and makes you giddy just by talking. Ahhh isn't that a good feeling?. Let's face it, not everyone is fun, some people bore you so much that you wish you can take your eyeball out of its socket and suck it like candy just to lick the tears off that formed when you decided to hang out w/ this loser.  But you know what's worse? Hanging out w/ some loser that makes you cry. Sometimes people like playing games w/ each other. Drama, drama, drama. If you want drama watch some Korean movie, watch 2 lovers fight thru hardship to be w/ each other only to die of cancer/leukemia/aids/or a broken heart. Don't stay w/ someone who thinks you are crying from joy when actually you just want to stick tobasco sauce in their contacts lens case when they're sleeping.

SEXY: Confidence
NOT SEXY: Cockiness
FATAL: A CockHead
There's someone just attractive about seeing someone who knows what they're doing. There's just that aura that they are capable of doing anything. Whether it be at work, at the social scene, or in the whorehouse. It's such a better feeling to be w/ someone that isn't confused, indecisive, lost. Why? Because when you're w/ that person, it feels like your going places. Like that person is going to bring you to a new happier place in life. Isn't this much better than being w/ someone who can't decide which magazine to bring to the toilet? Confidence, is about knowing what you can accomplish to the best of your abilities and acting on it. Cockiness is similar, but the difference is that you like to SPILLOVER your abilities to someone else, who may not welcome it. Yea, cockiness is some arrogant Know it all, that likes to brag he went to Harvard and is God's gift to the world when actually he's just God's gift to himself. Be considerate towards your partner, it's much more sexy than putting yourself above everyone else. A Cockhead is basically a Penis. Someone who's Cocky, but actually didn't have the grades to finish HS. A real dick.

SEXY: Someone w/ a good sense of direction
NOT SEXY: A guy who won't ask for directions
FATAL: A girl who gets lost trying to get out of the subway station
Maybe it's just me, but I find it a mockery how lost some people are. They can live in the same place for 10 years, and the only thing they know how to get to is a Macy's, a porn shop or a hot dog vendor selling wieners for $1.75. I like traveling and it's really attractive finding someone who knows their way around. Whether driving, knowing which train/bus to take, or what intersection something is on. If they don't know, they at least know where to call, where to ask, how to find out. It's kind of a turnoff when someone is like a 36 month old helpless baby, that just sucks on a nipple to get nourishment. "Hmm, I'm on 34st and need to get to 32nd street, errr what do I do now?" Grrrrr. If they actually used their brains instead of depending on someone else to take them places, their image would improve drastically.
Tip of the Day: The sun rises in the east, and sets in the west. If it's 3pm, and you are on 3rd ave, and want to get to 5th ave (Manhattan), walk towards the sun (west).

SEXY: a self-made millionaire
NOT SEXY: a spoiled rich brat or GoldDigger
FATAL: A wannabe bling bing rich looking person who secretly lives w/ their mommy
"A fool and his money are soon parted" This is an important famous quote? Why is it that you hear stories of some poor immigrant coming to America w/ .37 cents (and bad teeth) become rich, while dozens of lottery winners file for bankruptcy? It is their money management skills. Seeing someone work hard and become successful emanates intelligence, power, wisdom, and ability. A spoiled brat or princess, sometimes think they are better than others just because they inherited some money. Take that money away, and they'll be as helpless as a turd that can't flush itself down a toilet. Then there are people who try to front. You know, they bought a used 1982 BMW just so they can say they have a Beamer. They wear genuine LV Bags, Prada shoes (which they take off often, so people can see the label inside), nice Rolex watches. Look in their wallet, and you will see they can't afford  a 4 piece Happy Meal at McDonalds. They can't afford rent and live at home w/ mommy, so they don't want anyone to ever come over. Their credit card bills is larger than the debt of some 3rd world country. If you want the real deal? Follow him home one day and avoid the gunshots.

SEXY: Watching someone do a physical activity
NOT SEXY: A couch potato
FATAL: The only exercise he gets is going to the toilet (and loses 10 pounds each time)

Sometimes it's fun to observe somebody (that you like of course) do some physical activity.  Like watching a girl washing a car, or driving a stick shift, painting a picture, or singing. Maybe a guy playing a guitar, playing sports, or giving a powerful speech at some convention. When you like someone, and see them do something you also enjoy, it just brings brings some extra attraction. Why? I don't' know, just ask all the groupies who want to have sex w/ Rock Bands. It's probably an extension of the person that you can both share in. Sometimes people have sick fantasies like pooping together, bondage, whips, fat porn whatever. But as long as you enjoy ur secret activities, it just brings you closer. On the other end of the spectrum is the fat couch potato that was once 150 lbs, when they were 30, that has now grown to 425 lbs in a scant 10 years, because of neglect and lack of desire. Don't let this happen to you. Either feed him or Ethiopia, but pick one.

SEXY: a guy that can cook
NOT SEXY: a girl who can't cook
FATAL: a person who f*cks up Ramen Noodles
Yea yea I know, it's a sexist world. Nevertheless if a girl or guy can cook, it's such a plus. Why? Because taste is sensual. Cooking is an art, and by showing that you have mastered this skill, you are more than a loser. You are now a loser that can cook. You are the rare someone (in today's age at least) that can replicate this sensual activity over and over again, kind of like owning your very own ATM. Cooking is time consuming, but when someone special comes along, I want to show them how special they are (you can read it in this entry). The moment you sweat on top of that hot stove and the flavour wafts across the room, she'll drop her pants faster than a black man can run the 100 meter dash. Face it, in this age of Subway Sandwiches and PopTarts, someone that can cook, is someone that's marraige material. If you can't cook, LEARN, it's so worth it. Helpful Hint: if you pressured into marriage, f**k up some Ramen noodles, and they may not want you 

SEXY: Smarts and Intelligence
NOT Sexy: Stupidity
FATAL: An IQ of a turd, mixed w/ a six pack of Ugly (and a side of zits)
Someone who has intelligence and smarts is just really attractive. Now there's a difference between the 2. Intelligence means you can calculate things well. Smarts is the ability to apply what you know to situations. Doesn't everyone know someone who is pretty intelligent, but is so socially stupid, that he doesn't know how to engage is social situations? Personally I think street smarts is more practical in today's world, but it's great to have both. It's sexy to find someone that can do things on their own w/o having to depend on someone else. They like to read, watch CNN, or CNBC (some of you may have seen me on CNBC and Bloomberg commercials in the past, holla back) take classes etc. You want to be w/ someone who knows what's going on and is ambitious. Why? Because smarts enable the person (and perhaps you) to go along the ride w/ them. It just brings a sense of wow, this person is going to be successful one day. Stupidity on the hand, just plain sucks. Nobody brags to their friend "Oh, Bubba took 4 times to pass 6th grade, and 3 times to pass gas". They don't understand jokes and umm oh wait a second (come to think of it), they don't understand anything. Eventually you run out of patience teaching them the difference between shampoo and conditioner. If you are an A student, and they are an F-, will your children average out to be C- students?

SEXY: Someone that smells nice
NOT SEXY: Someone that smells bad
FATAL: Someone that you can smell an hour before they arrive

There has been studies to show that if you can not stand the way a person smells, the relationship will not last. I guess it's true. I think one of life's natural highs is being able to lie next to someone that smells so good you can fall asleep and wake up 14.3 days younger. Which is better? Cologne, Perfume, OR the way a person smells after taking a hot shower? I kind of like the way soap and shampoo smell on a girl fresh out of the shower. It all smells sexy, until people put on clothes, and then go to work, sweat, workout, etc. Hey, sweating is natural, but if you decide to engage in any foreplay? Make sure you wash that thing like it had the plague. Smegma is NOT sexy. But you know what's the worst? Someone that smells so much that even the Ivory baby cries. You know, they take a shower, and the tub turns all black, and 5 minutes after they take a shower, they smell like they played around in Shaquille O"neal's armpits. They look like a forest w/ hair coming out of their turtlenecks, ass crack, tongue and house. An hour before they arrive, you will hear Hurricane Katrina warnings systems as flowers wilt, birds flee, and even insects migrate away. I don't know what to tell you, I'd drink liquid Clorox for a week (warning, may be fatal) in order to clean the sweat glands emanating from your skin.  N O T Sexy.

SEXY: Someone that knows how to dress
NOT Sexy: Someone that's fashionably challenged
FATAL: A 70 yr old grandma Undressing

The way a person dresses gives an idea about the aura they bring. It doens't have to expensive or have a name brand label. But you want to wear something that makes you look nice. Personally, I think if a girl can look good w/ a t shirt and a pair of jeans, she is much more sexier than some Liberace wearing, bling bling, I shopped at Prada exclaiming, Chinatown fake LV bag wearing girl. Girls (in general) love to shop, and buy clothes to show off and look good. Why is it like 95% of fashion majors are girls (or gay guys)? Girls buy stuff to show off to other girls (stupid bitch, I'm gonna show her who has nicer shoes). When guys check out girls, they're not thinking "oh man she was so hot until I realized she was just wearing Walmart clothes". NOoo. When guys check out a girl's behind, they don't care if you got those pants from Armani, Diesel, KMart, or Pablo's garage sale. Girls on the other hand, check out how the guys dresses, the type of shoes he wears, how colour coordinated he is and how he puts all the crap together. So for you guys: Dress nice, girls love it.  For you girls: it's not the type of clothes you wear, but how your ass looks good in it.

Conclusion: Remember, being attractive isn't always about looks (but it sure does help). It's about personality, sense of humor, charisma, attitude, confidence, style etc. etc. Next time you walk around and you say to yourself "Damn, how that Fugly looking biatch/nigga/hoe/tramp/loser/bignose/fatass/old (pick one, or mix and match) get such a fine guy/girl"?  Well, now you know. And knowing is 1/2 the battle. Go Joe.

What type of things do you think are sexy on a guy/girl? Let me know, I'll expand on it. And Subscribe, Weezguy's Guide to Clubbin (part 2) is coming.

BACKGROUND SONG (AT TIME OF WRITING):

You Sexy Thing Hot Chocolate (circa 1976)
I believe in miracles
Where you from you sexy thing
I believe in miracles
Since you came along you sexy thing

Where did you come from, baby
How did ya' know I needed you
How did ya' know I needed you so badly
How did ya' know I'd give my heart gladly
Yesterday, I was one of a lonely people
Now you're lying close to me
Making love to me

I believe in miracles
Where you from you sexy thing
I believe in miracles
Since you came along you sexy thing

Where did you come from, angel
How did ya' know that I'd be the one
Did you know you're everything I've prayed for
Did you know every night and day for
Every day needing love and satisfaction
Now you're lying next to me, giving it to me

I believe in miracles
Where you from you sexy thing
I believe in miracles
Since you came along, you sexy thing

Kiss me, you sexy thing
Touch me, baby, you sexy thing
I love the way you touch me, darlin'
You sexy thing, it's extasy
Yesterday, I was one of a lonely people
Now you're lying close to me
Givin' it to me

I believe in miracles
Where you from you sexy thing
I believe in miracles
Since you came along, you sexy thing

Touch me
Kiss me, darlin'
I love the way you hold me, baby
It's extasy, It's extasy
Kiss me, baby
I love the way you kiss me, darlin'
Love the way you hold me
Keep on lovin' me, darlin'
Keep on lovin' be, baby

To my xanga readers: STFU (haha j/k)

"Weezy, when's ur next entry? Weezy, hurry up. Weezy, I'm bored, hurry up and write."  Aaahhhhhhhh, omg, can you guys just shut the hell up? Jeez. If I wanted to be nagged, I would have poured maple syrup on myself, roll myself around on some corn seeds, and go sleep in a chicken coup so hens will peck at my naked body all night, sheesh.

This is a placeholder entry (kind of like bringing ur fat sister to ur prom,  you dont' really want her there, but it's better than going alone, and she wont' care that you spent like $18.37 on her).  I wanted to break down and finally share my feelings w/ you guys.

When I first got xanga, it was just something that losers do (you can read the cheap quality of my really older posts). Then I realized it can be therapeutic. But after reading countless Lame ass Xangas, I realized......... There are a lot of rotting crappy xangas out there, kind of like Doggy Poo, you glance at it, sometimes kick it, avoid it, but nobody really cares, unless someone actually throws it in your face.

Well I hope someone threw this Xanga on ur face.  I try to make it funny, entertaining (content, sex, relationships, pictures [animated or stale], videos [especially my Halloween outfits]) But, I wanted to thank you, the READERS for coming by and enjoying.  I have heard numerous times, that some of my articles get floated around the office of various companies, and I'm glad everyone is enjoying.  I should stick all my Xanga entries in a folder and sell it as a book (hmm anybody want to sell it for me?)

Those who know me, know I'm quite cheeky, but harmless. So come by, bring your mom (i know a couple of parents read my xanga), Vent, come say hi.  I won't turn you away, no matter how ugly you are. And if you do ever run into me, come say hi. I've recognized some people by their Xanga names, but god knows how to pronounce their real one. But sad to say, I'm actually nice. shhhhh

Thanks guys, for the patience. Give me feedback, and what you like, don't like, or want to see.  And dont' forget to read the other xanga, DearWeezy  http://www.xanga.com/dearweezy

I LOVE you guys   

Thought of the day: if you are a midget, stuck in a crowded elevator, does the elevator smell different to you than anyone else?

Weezguy's Guide to Useless Dogs (NOT man's best friend)

Looks like the Guide to Clubbin entry was so popular that people copy and posted it on other people's site (sometimes w/o credit to its author). Well.... this entry may anger some people and should be left nameless

This is a shameless plug for girls. Why? Cuz for some reason dogs are NOT Man's best friend, especially the tiny spoiled useless ones that can't do anything and get more love and attention than guys do. I like dogs, but after realizing that they have stolen all the attention from guys around the world, u gotta wonder.  Girls say "All men are DOGS". Well Hello? Why do you like them then? I'm not talking about the farm dog, or the guard dog here. I'm talking about the ones that are 3 inches tall, run around like an angry midget and sound like a bag of soda cans dragged around by a homeless man and his sad luck shopping cart w/ wheels that are rusted and squeak. They bark, and yap all day. These dogs are useless. If a burglar came in, the dog will start yapping away until you lunge at the dog, and it will quickly run away and hide before it annoyingly yaps away. It can't guard, can't protect against burglars, and it can't play catch (unless you throw a ping pong ball, which can barely fit in its mouth anyways).

Lets give an example:  Say a girl comes home after a hard day's work: Walking around in heels all day, attending meetings, dealing w/ prissy coworkers and dickhead bosses, perverts in the subway, she is totally exhausted. Meanwhile, doggie is at home taking a dump, napping doing nothing. She opens, the door, and can't wait to kiss little Elmo, Princess, Sandy, or whatever feminine name the little dog got. She cleans the dog's poop off the yard or kitchen floor, feeds her and give the dog a bath. muah muah muah "i missed you all day". Does the girl not know the dog doesn't speak English? Wow, isn't it a great life?

 Now, let's do the SAME EXACT example if it was a man instead of a dog. While the girl went on a hard day's work, the guy took a dump on the floor, and just laid on the couch all day. When the girl comes home, he asks "Hi honey, where's my dinner?, and umm,  Can you bathe me too?" ....................... Uh oh............, Volcano time ................ She erupts louder than a 2 yr old repressed fart.  "YOU @%# LAZY @%#! &* bastard!!!, you think I'm gonna feed and clean your #@&! ASS?" "While I was @%#(#% working all day?"  This is followed by the throwing of pots, pans, silverware, last nite's lasagna, plates, a halogen lamp and umm  last year's bowling trophy etc. etc.  Now, is this fair?  I mean the dog did the SAME EXACT thing......  This is a prime example, of why girls treat dogs better.  Now you may say, well that's cuz the dog is helpless.  Then just get a handicapped guy and he will have the same abilities as a dog. Well the dog is cute you may say. Well get a CUTE handicapped guy.  Man's best friend? Hardly. Millions of lonely men sleep by themselves, replaced by these mindless crap makers.

If you had a friend, that took off his pants, took a dump in the yard or lawn, and did NOT wipe himself, walked back to your house and sat on the couch or bed still butt naked. What would you do to him?  Yet thousands of dogs do this everyday. Fair or not?

Here are some dogs you may have seen on various people's Xanga page. Disclaimer: None of the stories are true, it is meant for entertainment purposes and do not reflect the actual feelings of anyone.

This is death for guys. A cute dog AND a tongue the size of banana? Look at the tongue on this dog. Ever wonder why girls like guys w/ big tongues? Looks like he's the new master of the house.  Check him for gonorrhea first. Pack your bags, it's over.

This dog looks like it's tap dancing to the beat of Hit the Road Jack, and don't you come back No More No More No More No More. Yup, he wants YOU the guy, outta there. This midget of a dog is like 13 inches high, makes a mess, but of course all is forgiven just cause it has small button size eyes. Kinda of embarrassing that a cat can kick this dog's ass.

Ohh damn, look at this dog on the right. He's already seems to be getting some. Look at him stare at you, while he tries to play it cool hanging out between the girl's legs. AND he gets rewarded?  This is the type of dog, that was like the quarterback of the HS football team. He got his blonde chick and is flaunting it.  Everyone is jealous of him. Wish he had a season ending injury.

Man this dog is so ugly, that you want to bring it to work w/ you JUST to avoid having to kiss it goodbye. Maybe it's good enough to scare the roaches out of the house. It's slow, and passes more wind than Roseanne farting into Hurricane Dennis.  Look at the bright side, if this dog can find a home, then anyone can.

Is this a dog? Or is it some stuffed animal hand puppet? Looks like someone thought it was, cuz it looked like someone stuck his fingers up its ass, and it woke up w/ a surprised look, "Erffff???" like what the heck just happened?  I really hope it's a female dog, it'll probably hurt a little less.

What the hell is this? A dog the size of a cigarette?  If this thing ever got bitten by a mosquito, it would deflate like a boob job that popped when it ran into a needle.  This would be the only dog that would lose in a fight w/ a ladybug. Why would they ever breed such a thing?  If you walked this dog on the street, it may drown if it got hit by a raindrop. It probably grew up in Ethiopia and was malnourished. Maybe if someone sneezed it would go away.

How the hell did they get a fish to grow hair? This poor thing has an identity crisis. It doesn't know if it's a land creature, an aquatic creature, or the baby of AquaMan and a skunk. Better get out of its way, it looks pissed. I would be too.

 Someone get the cat.  Ever hear the term little white RAT? Well here he is. Ever go down to the NYC subway system and see them in the tunnels?  This is what they look like if they are spoiled rotten and never had to crawl thru any dirt. Why would you want a pet Rat anyways? Well one less creature in the subway system.

Tell me this isn't happening. It's bad enough when you see a busy little dog. But now, it's a possessed haunted dog, that was murdered and brought back to life. Meet Count Growula. It rose from the dead. Not only will he look ugly, he's looking for revenge. Just friggin Great, a puppy w/ a mission. Look at the froth, and the possessed eyes. If I saw this dog and a serial rapist in an alley, I'd run towards the rapist. 

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!  Yea damn right. I'd be howling too if I got free food, and a free house to stay in.  Look at me, I'm on my master's bed, after I took a crap in the yard, and didn't wipe my ass. Ain't life awesome? Free steak tonight. AWOOOOOOOOOOO!!

Now, THIS is a great dog. I have the Sony Aibo (I named it Bengo, if you guys can figure out how to translate it). I have a dog bed for it, and some balls and games. It NEVER craps, cries (well sometimes), needs food, shots, or love. What an awesome dog. And whenever you want it to shut up? A flick of a button. MY DOG, aint' it cute?

No actually dogs were harmed in this writing.  Relax and take it easy, this was just for fun. Remember, dogs AND people need loving too. Everybody SING:

Everybody Loves Somebody (background music at time of writing)

Dean Martin - (a member of the famous RatPack) - words and music by Irving Taylor and Ken Lane - reached #2 in 1964

Everybody loves somebody sometime
Everybody falls in love somehow
Something in your kiss just told me
That sometime is now
Everybody finds somebody someplace
There's no telling where love may appear
Something in my heart keeps saying
My someplace is here
If I had it in my power
I'd arrange for every girl to have you charms
Then every minute, every hour
Everybody would find what I found in your arms
Everybody loves somebody sometime
And though my dreams were overdue
Your love made it all worth waiting
For someone like you
If I had it in my power
I'd arrange for every girl to have you charms
Then every minute, every hour
Everybody would find what I found in your arms
Everybody loves somebody sometime
And though my dreams were overdue
Your love made it all worth waiting
For someone like you

Club Wars: Revenge of the Weez

Based on the large # of feedback I received on Weezguy's Guide to Clubbin, I thought I'd share one experience I had last night.  I went to Rumours on W3 and MacDougal (NYC, for those out of town).  Being the cheeky mate I am, in order to stimulate conversation, I pretended to not know how to dance. 

Illustration I drew for what happend last night

Due to pity or eagerness, she decided to teach me how to dance. At first I tried to mimic her moves (and pretended that I couldn't keep up). She decided the best way was to just "groove" to the hip hop playing.  Therefore, she turned around, stuck her bottom into my crotch and started grinding and dancing.  Needless to say I was quite shocked. This was not very becoming, and NOT ladylike at'tall.  Nevertheless she placed both of my arms around her waist, and then started gyrating, gravitating, excavating and oh yea, dancing.  OMG, I felt like I was on a Rodeo.  I was hanging on for dear life, trying desperately not to fall off this young mare.  She was buckling, swinging, halucinating, exfoliating, whatever, every verb in the Oxford dictionary should be used, and at one point one of my arms lost grip (as shown in the illustration above). Not wanting to disappoint her, I wanted to show her that despite my fear of falling, I can tame the lass. I smiled, look pleasant, but inside my mind I was wondering if the Rodeo Clowns were going to come save me. For those who were at Rumors, if you saw a guy shaking, flinching, or looked like I had stars rotating around my head, that was ME.  I didn't know they had Six Flags in a basement.

Glow Stick?

On a side note, I did a really GEEKY thing. I purchased my own Light Saber. It lights up, makes buzzing sounds and clashing sounds.  I decided to make a MOVIE, so click the link below, and make sure the Volume is on.

  VIDEO: CLICK this link.

Did you enjoy the video link above? Feedback please.

Audio Background: Evil empire theme from the movie.

For more antics, subscribe and tell me what u think. Am I a winner or the biggest loser u've ever seen?  enjoy.

edit: i added one more illustration

Weezguy's How-to guide to Clubbin' (discotheques)

Ok guys, it has been a while since I wrote an article, so I thought I'd treat you wannabe's to another delightful entry. Background: Ever since the dawn of time, social events (especially those that facilitate the meeting of the other sex) have been quite popular. What innocently started as town meetings have evolved w/ music, dancing, liquor and more recently artificial substances.  For those who have (or who have never) went to a dance club this guide is for YOU.  It is so complicated now, that you damn well need the proper training.

Clothing: HOT.  We're going partying and perhaps meeting people not a funeral. You want to look your best, show class (and ass). Now different clubs around the country have different dress codes. Wear what is appropriate, but nicer. You want to stand out cuz you look F-I-N-E fine. Not cuz you look like a Napoleon Dynamite dork. Guys wear a nice shirt, fix your hair, and for god sakes put some cologne on (but dont bathe in it). Brush your gold teeth, buy some mints. Girls, if you got the body wear some sexy outfits. But remember, you will attract what you wear. Skank out if you wish, but don't' come crying to Weezy if you get used like a mini-tampon on a heavy flow day. Fat girls? umm.................... wear a loose dress, (like a shower curtain) it should cover everything.

Preparation: Never use a fake ID, they are too easy to spot (especially w/ those card readers now). Borrow a driver's license. MEMORIZE ur bday and address on it. How stupid is it when a bouncer asks what your birthday is, and your'e like errrr I dunno.  Ok good bye.  Underage people sometimes need to either learn not to shave, or wear super heavy makeup (I do not endorse anything here btw). Stop looking nervous. It's a club, not a rectal exam.

  Remember, if you can't get in for whatever reason you can always bribe the bouncer. Just do it smoothly (like you want to cut the line) or for whatever reason.

Ok remember these lines when you get ready to party: And repeat it 3 times like a parrot:
Guys go to find chicks
Girls go to "have fun"

Now, why is this so? Cuz girls friggin always seem to have a good time. They don't need to meet guys to have fun.  Girls can dance w/ each other, hold hands, kiss each other, get free drinks, get hit on all night. They get to do whatever they want, and it's considered HOT.  Guys on the other hand have no choice. What would you think if you heard 2 guys talking like girls?

Joe "Yo John"
John: "Sup Bro"
Joe "It's Friday, I'm so stressed, I need to dance yo"
John "Werd, me too, my body is so tense I'm gonna explode if I don't get down"

OMG, can we say G-A-Y  GAY? How bad does it look to see 4 guys dancing in a circle just smiling all night long? Or holding hands? This is exactly why the only legitimate reason for a straight guy to go clubbin is to MEET GIRLS.  Why do girls go to "have fun"? Cuz they get hit on all the time like a pinata that they dont' need to go to meet guys.  I'll tell you one thing tho:  IF YOU ARE AN UGLY GIRL, you may not say it, but you are there to hopefully meet a nice guy. Hot girls get hit on at clubs, at school, on the bus, at church, in the crib, on Friendster on Xanga, they are so sick of it. That's why they go to "have fun and dance". But if some cute guy comes along, they may give him a chance.

So what does this mean? Well once you understand the mentality of the clubbers you will now know why they act the way they do.

  Now this is exactly what a typical club floorplan looks like.  First of all notice the ratio is like 7-1 BLUE/RED (Guy/Girl).  The girls are dancing together in their stupid Fobby Circle, while a bunch of daring guys are on the outside dancing trying to get in.  Most of the guys are on the OUTSIDE of the dance floor staring, trying to look cool. In this scenario, NOBODY looks cool, so give it up ok? Guys always complain, I can't find a girl. Well cuz there's like a 7-1 ratio stupid. Girls always complain, how can I meet a cute guy? Well if you seperate yourself out of your fobby circle and go to the bar area, there are more guys there than fobs who can speak good EngRish.

 MaMasita:  To the left is a Close up of the dance floor. What some people don't know, is that within every group of girls is some type of Cockblocker called a Mamasita.  She is the size of the Great Wall of China and there is no way to go around her. Guys are in no way able to get to the skinny girls unless MaMasita is taken care of. This is where the WingMan comes in. Friends take turns being the "designated driver" and take turns occupying MaMasita (otherwise known as "taking one for the team") so that the other guy can bypass security.  If MaMasita is unusually big (which more times than not is the case) open a big tab and buy her some 151s to take her out.

Sneak Attack:  Girls absolutely hate this. Sometimes it's Guerilla warfare and despite the best efforts of girls to holds hands and protect each other, some A**hole will come out of the woodwork like a silent fart and catch you by surprise. He'll come and suddenly put his arms around her waist. Gasp. Who the hell is that? She will make faces to her friends to ascertain if the guy is cute or not. If he is cute, the other girls will give her the thumbs up, but 99 3/4% of the time, the girls will either pull her away, or MaMasita will come and sit on him.

 Bitch: Yea, some girls (especially in NYC) have such an attitude. They are hot, and they know it. She gives you the finger no matter how nice you are. Once I saw a guy give a girl his business card. She tore it up right in the middle of the dance floor in front of him. I swear there are some stupid guys and some ass hole guys, but that's just wrong. If you got game perhaps you can win them over, but guys can be victims too.

  Jealousy: Sometimes you have a couple of girls in a group. In the beginning the short fat girl is like, it's all find and dandy. But after like the 374th time u go clubbing she finallly gets fed up. "stupid blonde bitch gets all the attention" and secretly plots her downfall. The final straw is when the short fat ugly girl talks to a guy she likes, who suddenly sees her blonde hot friend and leaves her to join the crowd who surrounds the hot chick. A screaming match ensures followed by hair pulling, screaming and other less than ladylike personality traits. Next time u go clubbin, for once, look at thehot girl's friend and you will see a polite smile, while rage is being built underneath. Eventually she resorts to online dating

Sucker: One no no, which I myself have got caught a couple of times. Never never get suckered into buying a group of girls some drinks unless they are friends or it's going somewhere. Many girls don't' want to pay for anything including cover charge or drink. They stand next to the bar looking all hot waiting for some unsuspecting fool to talk to them. They will be unusually friendly, and before you know it they suggest a round of drinks. Usually it's some worthless weak ass drink like Apple Martini, Malibu Pineapple, some other fruity fruit punch cost $10 kool aid drink. As soon as you get suckered into it, they take their smiling faces (and drinks) away. Well at least you made someone happy for 5 minutes. Too bad it isn't you. Say bye to $40

There are only 2 things that you can do in a club, and you better be good at one of them.
1. Dance Well: girls like a guy who can dance, and show how smooth he is. If you can't dance, learn dammit.
2.Talk/Drink:  If you can't dance, than you better be able to hold your liquor and know how to talk. Think about it, you're in a DANCE club. If you can't dance, you better charm the knickers off the girl. Which means, DON'T GET DRUNK. Sure it's fun when ur buzzed, but nobody likes a drunk. Some guys start to slobber, or say something stupid. While drunk girls vomit and pass out.  This is a lose/lose situation. So hold your liquor but most importantly be entertaining. But dont' drink.

Remember, clubbing can be fun but also dangerous. There are fights all the time. Best thing is to stay clear.  The last thing you need is a bunch of stupid young punks w/ a chip on their shoulder to start trouble. As I always say, I'm a lover not a fighter.  Don't be surprised if a hot girl already has a guy. If she is taken, say sorry and just leave. You don't want a beer bottle broken on top of you head when you're not looking.

There are probably a few dozen more things you need to know. But the main purpose is to have fun. We don't need drama. Whether you like Hip Hop, Trance, Salsa, or Square Dancing I dont' care. Just have fun and tell them Weezy sent ya. If you need help talking to the opposite sex, read my What Women Want and What Guys Want series (look thru my older posts)

If you have any more suggestions, just add them and subscribe. And umm would anyone dance w/ me?   puhrrreeeeezzzz?

[Jazze Pha]
Ladies and gentlemen (ladies and gentlemen, gentlemen, gentlemen, ooh-wee)
This is a Jazze Phizzle (Jazze Phizzle) Productshizzle
Missy (Missy)
The princess is here (ooh-wee)
(She's here) Ciara!  This beat is...

Automatic, supersonic, hypnotic, funky fresh
Work my body, so melodic
This beat flows right through my chest
Everybody, Ma and Papi came to party
Grab somebody, work your body, work your body
Let me see you 1, 2 step

Rock it, don't stop it
Everybody get on the floor
Wake the party up
We about to get it on
Let me see ya
1, 2 step
I love it when ya
1, 2 step
Everybody
1, 2 step
We about to get it on

(This beat is)
Outrageous, so contagious, make you crave it
(Jazze made it)
So retarded, top-charted
Ever since the day I started
Strut my stuff and yes I flaunt it
Goodies make the boys jump on it
No, I can't control myself
Now let me do my 1, 2 step (come on)

Rock it, don't stop it
Everybody get on the floor
Wake the party up
We about to get it on
Let me see ya
1, 2 step
I love it when ya
1, 2 step
Everybody
1, 2 step
We about to get it on

(We gon' drop the beat like this, ooh-wee)

It don't matter to me
We can dance slow (ladies and gentlemen)
Which ever way the beat drops
Our bodies will go (I like this)
So swing it over here, Mr. DJ (hey, hey)
And we will, we will rock you up (oh yeah)

It don't matter to me
We can dance slow (dance slow ya, ya, ya)
Which ever way the beat drops
Our bodies will go (hey, hey)
So swing it over here, Mr. DJ (ladies and gentlemen)
And we will, we will rock you up (let's shake)

[Missy]
I shake it like jello, make the boys say hello
Cause they know I'm rockin' the beat
I know you heard about a lot of great MC's
But they ain't got nothin' on me
Because I'm 5 ft 2, I wanna dance with you
And I'm sophisticated fun, I eat filet mignon
And I'm nice and young, best believe I'm number one (oh)

Rock it, don't stop it
Everybody get on the floor
Wake the party up (oh)
We about to get it on
Let me see ya
1, 2 step
I love it when ya
1, 2 step
Everybody
1, 2 step
We about to get it on

Rock it, don't stop it
Everybody get on the floor
Wake the party up
We about to get it on
Let me see ya
1, 2 step
I love it when ya
1, 2 step
Everybody
1, 2 step
We about to get it on

Oh yea, come to the party.

Anybody want to Apartment sit for a week?

I need someone to water the plants (cactus), get my mail, make sure my place is safe for a week or so.  Located in beautiful Union Sq. Includes gym, swimming pool, dvd and vcr collection, karaoke, dance dance revolution ps2, cable tv, high speed internet etc. etc. Walking distance to bars, clubs (webster hall, deep, plaid etc.) Next to all major subway lines. Must be trustworthy and clean. 

edit: must be single, errr (don't want people to bring their "activity" partners)
another edit: people been askin, yes it's free, u dont have to pay rent

edit: Due to an unforeseen mechanical breakdown of my Air Conditioner, I had to pick someone who can be home during the daytime to let the repairmen in. Therefore my logical choice was a bartending friend of mine who works at night and free during the day, every day. Congrats, I hope ur enjoying my DDR.  Thank you for the # of applicants, you guys are truly kind. It's funny, girls want to stay only when I'm NOT around... arghh. Stay tuned and subscribe for weezy's next apt sweepstakes.